Being in the early years of 20s, I often hear a lot about marriages and commitment. On seeing one of my friends get married, I got that “my team is one player down” feeling. As I say, I can only write well when I feel something. The trending twitter hashtag #MakeMarriageBetterIn4Words is the reason behind this post. If you are looking for stuff like “how to make marriages work” or “How to get rid of dominating husband” etc, This post is going to disappoint you big time. On a lighter note, I still don’t understand why do someone has to ask google to make a marriage work. If you have reached that point where you have to ask google about such issues, you are in deep trouble buddy. Just type ‘how to…’ in google search and you’ll see some astonishing suggestions. I am pretty sure that a lot of you are going to try this in some time. Give a minute to this crazy exercise and your smile may just come out of the closet. Now I realize that I chose a misleading title for this post. Coming to the point, these are my four words to make marriages better:
“Don’t name it marriage”
P.S.: I like to stir up the minds by writing open-ended posts.
I am sitting casually in the auditorium of my college, scanning through my cellphone. My mind is roaming around and it is filled with some thoughts which are irrelevant at this moment. From the back door, appeared a personality with an aura which I have never seen. I have never seen Mahatma Gandhi, Martti Ahtisari or Al Gore in person and thus I have no idea regarding their presence in a social gathering. As soon as this six feet gentleman is walking across me, my heart gets pumped-up for no visible reason. It is telling me that this moment is going to ignite something within me and it will prove to be a great learning curve. The simplicity of Mr Kailash Satyarthi seems magical to my eyes; his white traditional outfit and that shawl on his shoulders signifies his down-to-earth personality. Life is simple and it can bring about a change in a matter of microseconds. All those irrelevant thoughts of my mind begin to make sense now. He waves his hands and this leads to a chain of claps all around the hall. As he proceeds towards the stage and as he makes himself comfortable, I am still lost in the magic. He begins with his marriage and how he met his wife. This moment reminded me of the closing scene of ‘A beautiful Mind’.
This is one of those movie-scenes which has succeeded in moving even a stone-heart like me. “It’s only in the mysterious equation of love that any logic or reasons can be found. I’m only here tonight because of you. You are the only reason I am… you are all my reasons. ” I am sure that these lines will echo in your ears for some time.
The world is looking at Mr Kailash Satyarthi as a Nobel Laureate, but my mind is stuck on a personality which has often been on the sidelines. Mrs. Satyarthi is a lady of great character and she often gets addressed because the world sees a Nobel Laureate. My mind tries to slot every lady I have known in the shoes of Mrs Satyarthi, and I failed to find someone with the same potential. When you do not have money to look after your one year old kid and your husband is going to places to support his campaign of eliminating child labor from this world, how many ladies can stay during such a period? Mind will frequently suggest you that this is not working out but your heart denies, and this battle between your heart and mind kills you from inside. her husband was getting life threats in those times when mobile phones were a distant dreams. There was no way she could have communicated with his husband. In such a situation, a lady cannot even express her fears because she has to look after the kid as well. A lot of my good female-friends may say that they could have gone through such a phase successfully, but they know that it’s easier said than done. This unwavering commitment is not seen often and that makes her equal to any Nobel laureate of this world.
When I leave this hall, I am going out with a lot of learning about life. She has taught me what supports mean, he has taught me how to live for others. On a lighter note, this has also taught me that one has to be very careful while choosing a life partner. Now I know that marital ties go beyond honeymoons and marriage anniversaries. That scene from ‘A Beautiful Mind’ has never looked more meaningful to me. If Mr Satyarthi is the vehicle of change, then his wife is the fuel.
This moment has enhanced my respect for every woman of this world. She is the one who stays at home when his husband is posted on the tense borders, she is the one who devotes her desires to nurture someone else’s future. You are the one who makes Nobel laureates and never take credit for it. I salute Mr Satyarthi for his work and I touch the feet of Mrs Satyarthi for her devotion to life.
P.S.: Dear Women! We men, can never match your achievements.
I hope you are living a great life within the limitations put by me. I am sure that you have been to the God’s place repeatedly and found solace there. I have been doing good and the past week was an eventful one. A social-animal approached me because his daughter has proposed a boy’s name for marriage. From what I know about the boy and his relationship with the girl, they have been together since they were 18 and this is the first relationship for both of them. They had been taught some values and that is why they never crossed the limits during the relationship. Their every move is aimed towards taking the relationship to the next level i.e. marriage. Isn’t it special for 23 year old people? They have shared happiness, grief, excitement and every other emotion which exists in the world. They are on the top of each other’s priority lists. I love these guys because they followed even those rules which had long been forgotten by me but the girl’s parents had reminded her about those and she obliged. The guy has a stable life now and they were ready to take the relationship to the next level, but since the girl was in love with her parents, she wanted to get their approval.
I love playing the Devil and I did the same this time. I told her father that the boy is from a different clan and thus the society will not approve such marriage and this marriage will be cursed. It is immaterial that the boy will keep his girl happy, because he is from a different caste. Caste and clan scores way above everything else. The father agreed to my view and he blindly followed whatever I said. For me, the freaky society, these issues are vital and thus I try my best to roast such relationships to death. What if their souls are connected, they are not connected by my chord of clan.
Believe it or not, this happens often in some parts of the world and it makes me feel helpless. People have created a fictional thing called society and they keep following it blindly. What matters for a father? His daughter’s happiness or this caste system? Terms like clan and caste are exploited to fulfill their personal interests. Even if they love adhering to the rules of the society, they do not do it completely. They sort out the things which are to their liking and present them as their rules. These societies have groups to support rubbish such as communal issues but there is no-one to take care of such couples and their emotions get slaughtered brutally. This is not something to be discussed, the world needs someone to act upon it. I have been going through such issue and I am being forced to leave someone who has been my life for the past 5 years. Whatever I achieved, I have done in order to convince her parents but they have given me such arguments which make me sick. The girl cannot go against them because of the values taught by the same parents. My sister asks me to gradually detach myself, but it is not possible for me. I asked her mother if there is anything which can be done to convince you, I will do it blindly. I have reached a stage where I am open to any sort of help from anyone, whatever it may take.